Gag gifts for soldiers

27 Hilarious Military Retirement Gag Gifts That Would Crack ’em Up [Gift Guide]

Retirement from the military is a love-hate affair. On one side, the soldier has this sweet-baby-Jesus moment where he/she is happy to be no longer bound to strict military laws and routine. On the other, he/she will sorely miss the lifelong friendships and structured work-ethic of the military. Either way, its good news for the friends and family who have missed their soldier on long deployments and training. The wife is especially thankful to the good lord for no more deployments and PCS!

Also, what is a better way to celebrate this grand event than gifting your beloved soldier with a gift? If your soldier is feeling a bit down, sad, losing-the-purpose kind of mixed emotions, you are duty-bound to cheer them up. Here, I have collected for you the funniest, most wise-ass military retirement gag gifts sure to put a smile on your soldier’s face.

Choosing the Right Military Retirement Gift without going Overboard

Generally, it is a well-accepted fact that military retirement gifts can be either gag-gifts or serious ones. It is largely up to the giver, which route they want to go towards to thank them for their military service. However, if you are a close family member such as a military daughter, son, or a wife, it would be best to start the transition from military life to civilian life on a humorous note.

Quality over Quantity

Being military personnel, they have sacrificed a lot. They had to stay away from their family and work for the betterment of our country. It would be appropriate to give them something of quality that reminds them of home and their lives in the military, it can be something small and useful.

The Message Matters

It does not matter if the gift is a gag or something small in comparison to other expensive military gifts available in the market. Something that has a true message behind the gift can work just as well.

Make a Note of Hobbies

Our service members aren’t given many chances to pursue their hobbies while they are on active duty. Gag Gifts are a great way to remind them to connect with their hobby. If they love traveling then give them a funny guidebook, if they love barbequing then give them a funny apron, etc.

27 Military retirement gag gifts which will blow your soldier away

AK47 Whisky Decanter Set

AK47 Whisky Decanter Set

What a way to honor the service of a distinguished serviceman, other than to gift them a beautiful hand-blown glass decanter set? This becomes even better when that decanter is shaped like an AK47, which is a sight to behold. Your soldier will never forget this awesome gift and your thought behind this tasteful and executive gift.
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TEARS OF MY ENEMIES | Damn Fine Hip Flask

TEARS OF MY ENEMIES | Damn Fine Hip Flask

This damn fine flask is a must-have for any soldier who loves to have a good time and frankly who doesn’t! The caption alone is enough to make your soldier laugh and they will surely remember your sense of humor with every sip. Made with the finest quality steel and excellent workmanship, this gift of yours will last a lifetime with your soldier
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Grill Sergeant BBQ Apron

Grill Sergeant BBQ Apron

Who doesn’t love to BBQ? but soldiers especially adore this outdoor activity. Friends, family, good food checks all the right boxes for them to have a good time. Watch them drop their jaw when they receive this awesome grill master apron from you which will definitely up the fun for everyone. Just having a look at this thing makes you want to don it and rock it. Built-in pockets hold grilling tools, beer cans and much more. The fun military styling of this apron makes it a perfect gift for your soldier
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Original BenShot Pint Glass with Real Bullet

Original BenShot Pint Glass with Real Bullet

This shot glass is a sight to see and fun to drink from. Now, who doesn’t love the sight of bullet morphing your shot glass? It’s perfect for your soldier especially if they have spent their time dodging the bullets. A fun way of saluting to them for having spent their life safeguarding our nation. 100% Made in the USA by a team of veterans, hunters and gun enthusiasts, this gift will be a treat for your soldier
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Military Garden Gnome with an AK47 | Funny Army Statue

Military Garden Gnome with an AK47 | Funny Army Statue

Meet Jack the feisty garden gnome! Wielding the trusty AK47, this gnome has spent years serving in combat and is nowhere to protect your garden. Just looking at him makes one crack up and your soldier could definitely use a trusty sidekick in their garden. Available in kneeling, prone and standing position, this gnome is always at guard in the garden. Definitely, a fun way to spice up the place and ideal for those soldiers who love their plants
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Funny Coffee Mug - I Just Work for My Wife

Funny Coffee Mug – I Just Work for My Wife

Funny coffee mugs are the classiest gag gifts and here is a curated list of 6 perfect gag gift mugs for your soldier’s retirement. Their captions are sure to make your soldier laugh as he now enters under the new command of their wife after retirement (She may be the toughest of all his previous COs!).
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Funny Coffee Mug - Under New Management

Funny Coffee Mug – Under New Management

If you know your soldier and he pains to be under the newfound control of their spouse, this is the perfect gag gift. Tease them and lighten the atmosphere.
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Funny Coffee Mug - Can't Scare Me I'm Retired Military Veteran

Funny Coffee Mug – Can’t Scare Me I’m Retired Military Veteran

For your grunt and fearless soldier, who has never stumbled on the battlefield, this is the ideal gift. Your soldier needs to keep their fierce attitude no matter even if they’re retired. The public will also be warned in a hilarious way to stay out of the way
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Funny Coffee Mug - Behind every retired man is a wife wishing he would go back to work

Funny Coffee Mug – Behind every retired man is a wife wishing he would go back to work

Playing at the older-than-Jesus conflict between a man and his wife, this may be the perfect gift for your soldier boy whose wife will also get a kick out of this funny-as-hell mug.
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Book - There's a Spouse in the House

Book – There’s a Spouse in the House

Why you can’t let your soldier retire unprepared, can you? This hilarious book is an insider look into the lighter side of life at home after retirement. The cartoons depicted present the perfect scenarios where both husband and wife at home can drive each other nuts! Full of funny, light and warm cartoonist satire, this book is the ideal gag gift for your soldier. Now they can’t say nobody warned them!
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RETIRED AIR FORCE BEER ME! Funny Air Force Retirement Shirt

RETIRED AIR FORCE BEER ME! Funny Air Force Retirement Shirt

Ts are one of the more popular gag gifts and, therefore, no reason to not include them here. As always, who doesn’t love a witty comeback? This is one of the best ways to get back at your soldier in a funny way and have him smile when they see the quippy remarks on their Ts. This T-shirt is perfect for the beer-loving air warrior who has earned his due share of beer-chugging now they are finally retired.
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Retired Navy Chief Only Way Happier TShirt

Retired Navy Chief Only Way Happier TShirt

Navy chiefs are immensely respected in service due to their hard work and professionalism. This puts them in stressful environments to always deliver their best. Take a load off your retired chief and tell him to chill out in this fun way by donning this t-shirt and relax.
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DD-214 US Army Alumni T-Shirt

DD-214 US Army Alumni T-Shirt

This t-shirt reminds your army soldier in a fun way that they have finally joined the DD-214 club. They should now look forward to a whole new exciting world beyond the Army.
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Retro Vintage Just a Woman Combat Boots T-shirt Veteran day

Retro Vintage Just a Woman Combat Boots T-shirt Veteran day

The best T-shirt to honor your bad-ass lady soldier who has done her due share of duty for the nation. A shout out to the world thanking her for her service and inspiring other girls to saddle up.
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Retirement Silk Necktie For Men

Retirement Silk Necktie For Men

Play it like a cool dude or gal by gifting your special soldier with this savvy tie. I mean, look at this thing! The perfectly classy gift for your classy soldier. Made with premium silk, this piece of suiting is going to woo the hell out of him. Just try it!
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Look at You Retiring and Shit - Guest Book

Look at You Retiring and Shit – Guest Book

A keepsake guest book with a hilarious cover is hard to beat as a gag gift. It has space for 180 writers and is perfect for rotating around friends and colleagues who can tell that what a pain-in-the-ass the retiree has been a warm and funny way. Nothing will beat this personalized catalog of your soldier’s near and dear one’s opinions and he will cherish this gift for times to come. The trick is to keep it fun and not getting too serious
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Green Army Man Bottle Opener

Green Army Man Bottle Opener

ATTENTION!! Sgt Pryer has arrived armed for duty. The duty of opening beer caps effortlessly every time with military precision. This classy piece of die-cast metal will never let your soldier down (in opening any bottle caps). Expect your soldier to be pleasantly surprised by this nifty and efficient piece of hardware sure to dish out years of distinguished service. The manufacturer promises 100% lifetime guarantee which makes you wonder about their confidence in this product. Go ahead and try it for yourself.
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Potty Putter Toilet Golf

Potty Putter Toilet Golf

Well, now, as they are retired and harboring secret love of golf, why not let your soldier ease into this game by gifting this fabulous potty putter. It’s an even better gift for an avid golfer who will erupt in laughter when you present them this putter. They will secretly look forward to their private bathroom brakes like never before and you may get blamed by the spouse for their extra time in the Loo.
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US Navy retired funny socks

US Navy retired funny socks

Everyone tells a retired soldier to kick back and relax after retirement. Be the one who has got their back when they do so by gifting them these warm and fuzzy novelty socks. In addition to keeping them warm, whenever anyone approaches your sailor intending to bother them, he can read the bottom of their socks and scram.
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Retired Person On The Premises

Retired Person On The Premises

A warning sign is often in order when approaching a retired soldier, or any ordinary civilian may get entangled in the infinite loop of their war stories. Guaranteed to laugh, this handmade sign is a gag gift for a special soldier who likes to ramble on. Beautifully made, this sign will add to the humor you bring to your soldier’s life which they will surely appreciate.
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Personalised CAT Mug Cup Coffee Tea Funny Kitten Military Uniform Portrait

Personalised CAT Mug Cup Coffee Tea Funny Kitten Military Uniform Portrait

If your soldier is a cat or dog person, this is the ideal gag gift. Their favorite animal dressed in full ceremonial military uniform! Come on; this stuff will make the sternest of hearts melt. This handmade ceramic mug is sure to make their morning cup of joe eventful and funny; perfect for the kind of spark one needs in the morning
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Military retirement toilet paper

Military retirement toilet paper

This is the very definition of a gag gift. Toilet paper rolls etched with your choice of service branch is bound to become the hit of the party. This handmade gift is just the kind of humor your soldier needs to lighten up the mood. Be that person who brings light into their life and tells them not to take everything so seriously.
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Custom military plush Doll

Custom military plush Doll

I can’t think of a better way you could mess with your soldier, other than gifting him this 16″ fully huggable custom plush doll. You only need to provide one picture, and the creative team at Budsies will do the rest. Your soldier will be blown out of his wits and love the thought you put into this (in a goofy kind of way). He/ She will crack up whenever they see this later on as a reminder of your awesomeness
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Custom Personalized Military Portaits

Custom Personalized Military Portaits

Ooh, this one’s on the next level mate. Now is your chance of teasing the hell out of your soldier by giving them a do-over in an 1800 era military style portrait. Watch their jaw drop in awe once they see themselves transformed into an old rustic painting and reincarnated as an army general. You only need to provide a facial photograph and the good guys at HarvDesigns will take care of the rest. Perfect for presenting at a retirement party and everyone can have a few good laughs. Who knows, this self-portrait may spark the love of art in your soldier
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Funny Coffee Mug - Look at you retiring from Army and Shit

Funny Coffee Mug – Look at you retiring from Army and Shit

A fun little downplaying act is also amusing, and this mug does that entirely. While your soldier buddy is retiring, this mug will amusingly remind them that those that know him best will always cherish his younger more carefree version. While doing so, a little insulting is never uncalled for!
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Funny Coffee Mug - Soldier Retirement schedule

Funny Coffee Mug – Soldier Retirement schedule

Make light-hearted fun of your retired soldier by telling them just how busy they are going to be. While at it, crack a few jokes about how the soldier was looking forward to this retirement just to do a whole lot of nothing.
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Custom military retirement funny caricature from photo

Custom military retirement funny caricature from photo

As they say, handmade stuff is gold these days, and what if you can gift your soldier their very own hand-drawn Caricature? You can customize it any way you like it and recreate a funny memory from the past which brings smiles on your soldier’s face. Frame it, wrap it and gift it, your soldier is going to love you for this sweet & funny thought.
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Making a Memorable Impact

Choosing a retirement gift is a hard task, especially for someone with a complex background as military services. I have gone through hundreds of stories of returning military personnel and each one had its own twist that made it memorable.

 Military Retirement Gag Gifts were a common factor among many of these stories that I had stumbled upon, it made me laugh, smile, and sometimes tear up. Silly Quotes and gag gifts were used to evoke a genuine reaction from the families and the veteran. I have listed some of the best, usable, and funny gag gifts that you can choose as a great gift for any retiring military service member. Use these retirement gifts ideas to spread joy across the faces of our soldiers who have devoted their lives for our great nation. That is the least you can do!

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